here's my truth.

i'm having a hard time not wanting to be with you. i've been hurt and i've hurt lovers in the past, and this fact i will not deny. but there is something on my insides that goes wild when you look at me with your piercing eyes. my heart beats a little faster, my mind races a little more, and i can't focus with you here. but you and i haven't been nearly what we were once upon a time. once upon a time, there was something to be had. and now upon this moment, i feel as though we have become two empty, hollowed out people who just sit across from each other and stare blankly for fear of losing all feeling.

but you make me feel.
and it's a feeling that cannot be measured by human standards.
it's love, that's for sure.
but i just have to determine what kind it will be.

my truth: i want you to love me.

last night, i dreamt you were so near

that i could almost feel you beside me.
i was laughing and smiling and
crying because i never thought that
dreams could ever possibly come true.

and i could still be right...
because i woke up alone.

forgive me, mr. darcy.

but it's getting quite inconveniencing waiting on you.
maybe someday, you'll realize that you're so ardently in love with me,
and that i make you incandescently happy.


but since that day isn't today...
i'll just sit here with my sarcastic sentiments, in hopes of masking the way i truly feel.

deliver me, oh god!

maybe someday
you'll loose the chains and leave me free to love
to know
to feel

oh, GOD! deliver me from this
a p a t h y
all these feelings i no longer desire

i am thoroughly convinced
that feeling the pains of the world is
easier to bear
than feeling nothing at all.

oh, GOD! strip away at the
barricades in my soul
and make me

something worthwhile.

i am really tired.

and it's becoming more and more apparent.
i just want to go home
and stay there.

cause things are getting too complicated for me to go on much longer.