sex. drugs. rock and roll.

longing for something more than
the solitary human existence
intertwining just to fix
the mechanical problem that
seems to be eating away
at their insides
passion lust fire
consuming those who are
active ready and willing

just trying to fill the void
making sure that dreams occupy
in hopes of chasing away the nightmares
emptiness masked by a high
and you gotta stay up can't crash
it's gonna make you go crazy
but it feels so good
feels so much better than the nights
when they cried themselves to sleep

no idea what is being sung
but it makes them feel good
and they tap their toes
to the beat of persuasion
it's all they need to feel
is some kind of angst song
to express the things they lack
raise their hands and salute
a maschocistic sort of lifestyle
not really afraid of what may come
even though they should be

sex drugs and rock&roll may very well be the end of us all.

the music is pounding in my brain.

there's a lot of things
running a marathon in my mind
and i'm distracted
from the repetition of days

for the thoughts in my head
are much more interesting
than the mundane that
sits in front of me.

but the music is pounding
in my brain
and i can't ignore it
but i can't think straight.

it's just pounding itself
the patterns engraving themselves
into my cerebellum
and i can't get the music to stop.

constantly fighting the songs
in my head and i think
i might be going
clinically insane

because the music is pounding in my brain.
and at first i think it's a problem
but then i can't hear your criticism
can't hear your cynicism

and now i know it's more like a solution
i have a hard time getting focused
when there's music just gallavanting
around my brain cells,

but the music is pounding in my brain
and i'm all alone inside myself.

and i'm free for the first time.

i should've known it was too good to be true.

oh man oh man.
what am i gonna do?
money doesn't grow on trees.
i'm coming to realize this.

i need 4,000 to get to school
in the fall and all i can
figure out is a
student loan.

again.

what am i gonna do?
i don't wanna be in debt
when i leave cfni.
i want to do well with my money.

god, you're gonna have to help me.

it's been fun.

watching reruns of old sitcoms
that i would never admit to any other time.
relearning how to live without myspace,
facebook, high speed internet.

resting for the first time in
literally a year or so.
getting to spend time with the family
that i love and cherish with all i am.

it's been real fun.

and i'm almost sad to go home.
yeah, it sucks to not be able to
pull up the internet in a matter of seconds.
but at least i have better things to do anyway.

yeah, it's hard to live with
a generational gap like this one
but it's worth the love and affection
that my grandparents show me.

i love them and adore them more
than anyone out there can possibly
understand or comprehend.
they raised me just as much as my parents.

so this is hard.
to just pick up and leave
something that i've come to
appreciate beyond all reason.

but it's been fun.

i hope you happen to stumble upon this like you did my skin.

it's just another nightmare
another reason to cry myself to sleep
i didn't think it was such a big deal
tried to convince myself it wasn't important.

but i'm ashamed of the things i allowed
him to do when i wasn't even looking.
it's just another nightmare
until i wake up and realize it's real.

i try to rationalize, pretend like it's
not happening, that i'm just
trying to look for a reason to be unhappy
but i can still feel his cold hands and
they cause me to tremble.

his eyes filled with guilt and shame
yet i try to deny the facts that condemn
i know what's happening and i do nothing to stop it
so i attempt to blame myself for all of this.

but facts are facts, and what he did
has scarred me and dug a ditch in my trust
he burned his bridges before he crossed them
and dragged me off the ledge with him.

oh god, i'm finally speaking out.
i can't handle the agony anymore.
the truth has to be told
even with trembling hands as i say this:

you are a monster.
i'm not going to protect you.
the truth is: i've forgiven you
but i can't deny what you are.

and you are nothing more than a coward.