i believe.

something to write, something to write....this bottled up heart of mine isn't easy to unlock. i just want to write, to free my insides. i just want something i say to wake me up on the inside. (and it would be nice to be a little more awake on the outside :)) there's got to be something in me that will inspire myself. cause i run a little deeper than you imagine. and i think a lot harder than you think i think. and i smile for me, and not for you. i'm not who you think i am. i'm not who i think i am. who is who they think they are?

i thought i knew myself: that i was this sort of fashion junkie that considered starbucks a second form of oxygen, a girl who just wanted to be pretty, a girl who just wanted to fit in. someone who sang and danced and wrote for the recognition it brought her. and definitely someone who wasn't destined for great things. more like mediocre. with her mediocre looks and her mediocre smile and her mediocre "talent" and her mediocre walk with christ. and an insecurity masked by a forever fake smile.

and that's not who i am. that's who i WAS. and i won't let my past define my present. i've been destroyed, shattered, and defiled. i've been purified, redeemed, and sanctified. and i am a child of god. i'm a jesus junkie that considers worship a second form of oxygen, who just wants to clothe herself with integrity and dignity and godliness, a girl who wants to be a part of the kingdom. someone who sings and writes for her audience of One. and someone who is destined to change the world through christ, and in a big kind of way. more like incredible. with her incredible looks and incredible smile and her incredible "talent" and her incredible walk with christ. and a confidence that can only be scorned by the religious.

i was praying today, and i came across a verse that talks about women clothing themselves with godliness and not the latest trend. revelation hit me like lightning: i don't want to just be a woman of god, i want to be a godly woman. i want his heart embedded in mine. i want people to see that in me and fear it, i want them to want it. i want to show people the way to have the heart of the king.