the beauty of life.

my sentiments don't seem to be as romantic and poetic to me as they do to the rest of the world. it feels like my prose is hitting a wall between my brain and my pen a lot of times. but tonight, tonight my feelings and my thoughts couldn't be more clear cut and concise. i'm sitting here, musing about the night i've just had...the beauty of independence. artistic freedom in a way i never knew it could happen. there's something to be said about those times that you can't even sleep until you express to the world what just happened to you. when you want everyone to know how happy you are. i don't want to lay me down to sleep, because i know that i could be considered as murdering the moment...the most beautiful thing in the world that could occur. i can't put into words what happened. all i know is that when my good friend talked about those moments where you realize that life can't be better than this, i realized that i was living another one at that very moment. i could tell you that it had everything to do with the setting (although that made a huge impact, the dallas skyline from the west end at night is phenomenal), but it didn't. i could tell you it had everything to do with the people i was with (they did, however, make an impact on my experience, each one of their beautiful personas magnified all of it), but it didn't. i could tell you it had everything to do with the emotions i had inside (of course, that did make everything more poetic and sentimental), but it didn't. it's amazing to me how nothing happened, i just saw beauty for the first time in the way GOD sees it. i saw how beautiful this world is to him and exactly why he created it the way he did. have you ever noticed that the wind blowing in your face gives you this high feeling, it wakes up your insides, it makes you come alive. what about when you look at the night sky, don't you rejoice? don't you delight in the crickets chirping and creating a natural symphony? there's more to this life than the new iphone and the latest mustang. there's more to life than getting ahead. there's more to this life than sitting on a pew once a week to clear your conscience and perform some religious duty to please the world! do you want to know why i had a moment tonight? because i was content. not with where i was at with god, but where i was in life. that's what true spirituality is. smiling when you look at the world around you because you know, you know this isn't all there is. this will never be it. and that in itself can be the most beautiful revelation of them all. i really maintain that life can't get much better than this and that i'd rather close my eyes and make the moment live forever than move on, throw away the latte, get off the trolley, and travel homeward. i'd love to smile like this forever. but the smiles will fade, the latte gets cold, the trolley closes at 10. life goes on, and i'm beginning to believe that the valleys are there only to make the mountaintops more beautiful. it doesn't make moving on any easier. but at least i know that 50 years from now, i'll look back on this night and smile. the beauty of my new life is more than i could have imagined. all my defining moments. all those times that shaped who i am. and all of them so poetic, artistic, and unique. hopefully, someday, i'll be considered unforgettable, my life having been a song to the lord, and a poem to the masses. (written on september 20,2007)