season.

The cold, bitter wind slaps our faces as we take a stroll down the avenue. You, with your long, thick hair, your camo jacket, and your oh-so-unique persona. Me, with my red coat, my makeup, and my all-too-familiar walls. And I could listen to you for hours in this place. But the avenue ends, unlike the discoveries we've begun to make. I'm slightly disappointed until you take me arm in arm and we head back to nowhere at turtle speed.

It's your chance to talk. The little things first. Your family, your routine, your faith, your way of life. Love, heartaches, heart breaks. The words you start involuntarily speaking roll off your tongue, and my ears are just open enough to listen through your words. You're trying to make me run away, and the more I listen, the more desperate you get, confessing your sins like we're in life size boxes and I'm some sort of Catholic priest. So I stop walking. Look right into your eyes. Tell you I love you. And I mean it. Keep trying to repel me. Attempt to disgust me. Fight for your solitude. But I'm not going anywhere. I smile and your guard comes up. Have I broken you down? Figured you out?

Well, at least I think so. You send me and my walls caving in with these words. You're telling me who I've been and who I am. Has the wind gotten colder? Is the sky falling? My legs are weakening underneath me and your arm is a lot stronger than I remember. You keep speaking, but I can't make sense of the words. I'm suffocating in this panic. And you ask me who I say I am. You want to know the rest. Is your logic failing you now?

But I know you're hurting, and even though I know you're not so twisted as to want to find the monster in me, perhaps you'd feel just a little better if you saw a glimpse of my humanity. A small price to pay. Just like you said, I'll do anything in the world to make sure those I love don't know pain. So just let me ask you this: are you satisfied? And my words fail me. You've stolen all of them right out of my mouth. Left speechless. My heart is racing, the ground is shaking, but I'll do anything so that the tears won't fall. Vulnerable again. Tears in my eyes, forcing themselves to the brink.

So you ask me if I'm okay. Of course not! You've torn me apart faster than anyone before you! I'm utterly terrified, but in a good way. You wanted to know. So now you can run. Just like the others. You promise me you're not like them, and I'm not so sure that's possible. My inner demons are exposed. You won't stay, even if I've never wished so hard that you will. I wish you'd prove me wrong.

The summer breeze tickles my cheeks once more before the long awaited rain starts falling. I stand up, my body numb from this spot on the curb I sit, the spot where our worlds went topsy turvy not so long ago. No obligations, worries, or cares, so I let the rain drench me as I keep walking at turtle speed. Washing away all my guilt and shame, drowning away all the painful memories of you. I can't help but smile a little. The bitter irony. It's what you wanted. And this avenue isn't as lonely as I thought it would be.