my heart is Yours, God. wow. relentless is exactly the word to describe my God. how amazing and beautiful he is to me. i was talking to a friend tonight, and i finally articulated the things that have been running through my mind and flowing through my veins. my heart beats it now. he's a relentless pursuer of who i am. even when i make a mess of things, when i made a huge mess of my life...he keeps going. he keeps coming after me, and there's nothing i can do to stop it. nothing i say can make him go away, nothing i do can keep him from coming at me.
and the thing about it is, i didn't do anything to deserve it. i didn't live a holy and pleasing life by any stretch of the imagination, i didn't act like the perfect child, i didn't mean that i loved God for 14 years of my life that i said it. i did a lot of things i regret, and things that still sting when they're brought up to the surface in a crowd of people. i cry sometimes just thinking about the mess i've made, like a kid coloring on the wall and not being able to make it go away. and it's funny how people see the mess before you have a chance to cover it up with a bedsheet or something.
but my god doesn't care. he tears the bedsheet off and takes bleach to it, cleans me all up, then takes me out for ice cream. and i did the complete opposite of what i was supposed to do. and i keep asking "what did i even do?" so i just keep thanking my daddy for giving me something that i don't even deserve. it's amazing, and then he keeps giving. things you didn't even expect, past your wildest dreams for your life, and god is going to take care of you.
even in this desert, god has my back.
it's really going to be okay.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment