fighting insecurity is a very ugly thing.
but i'm doing it right now. all these beautiful girls, all these talented people, all these inspiring souls....bubbling with creativity and passion and beauty. and here i sit, wondering where i fit in this mess, if i even fit at all.
i'm having a jonah moment. i just want to run the other way because i feel inadequate. and i know part of that is because i don't have a human affirming that in me. and i know it's easy to say "well, she should be finding her solace and security in god." and that just shows me that you haven't been where i'm at in a long long time. it's not easy to trust a voice in your head from a god that you can't see. and so i sit here, trying to muster up the strength to pretend like it's alright, like i don't feel like i'll never measure up, and even more so...i'm fighting for all i'm worth. i'm going to give my 3,000% to get out of this rut. i just want to give my all. i just want to be enough, not only for god, but for a person. is that such a crime?
just tell me you love me and i'll leave you alone.
hello, my name is
- jessica ann-lynn.
- i am a violent, passionate lover of the One who made me. He is the Object of my affections and my desires. He has given me desires, to sing, write, play piano, and dance for His glory. He gave me the desire to read, to learn, to grow. my obsession with the rain makes sense to Him. the things that make up the core of who i am belong to Him. He is the most beautiful thing i could imagine. and He is the center of every single thing i do.
2 comments:
this is...your favorite employee!
i can't believe i'm leaving someone a comment on here, but you're worth it. :)
you are so special to me, jessica. sometimes i wish you knew your talent and beauty so that you'd never feel like you're not good enough. but other times i think that if you did realize how talented and beautiful you are, it'd be pretty hard to stay humble. i try my hardest to let you know how much i appreciate you. i've always tried my hardest, but i think i've been failing in that lately. or at least that's what it sounds like from this blog. you definitely deserve to know how amazing you are, jessica! i love you.
I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH!! You are an AMAZING woman of God and I am so proud to know YOU. Seriously, you bless me!
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