fragile: handle with care.

i'm trying to write something that will make my heart feel better.

and my mind goes blank.
because this doesn't make sense.
why is my heart broken?
why am i crying myself to sleep?

i'm alone.
lonely and alone.
the people at home, they try
to make me feel like i belong.

they send accolades greater than
most people dream of.
they praise my every movement
as though i'm some kind of star.
and that's how they isolate me.

and so i'm back at square one.
lonely and alone.
crying myself to sleep at night
because i'm losing what i value.

god is there in the middle of my storm,
that is never to be denied.

but sometimes i wish god could just hold me.
cause this pain is shaking my very core.
i'm not trying to be dramatic,
i'm not making this a bigger deal than it is,

there's an aching i can't deny.
there's a pain i can't kill.
it's the longing to be where god is.
the longing to be where my family is.

why can't god just be a human for a minute?
i need him to hold me.

this may not be the best piece of literature
this world has ever read...
but this is my heart,
bleeding through my fingertips
and it's the best i've got right now.


::edit::
you want my truth?

i'm terrified.
of failure.
i'm afraid i'm not strong enough
to hack it on my own.
sure, it's easy to be a lover of God
when i'm in the middle of his presence all the time...
but what about when i go home

where people know my past?
what i was all about?
when people don't care about
or believe in the changes i've made?

what then?
sure the church will believe in me,
but they're not the ones i'm trying to reach.

this is going to be the hardest summer of my life...
and i'm going it alone.