sitting before a computer screen...

i'm not sure what to say.

there's a million things i could say, there's a thousand things i could try to express...but i can't really match them to the overwhelming sorrow that's in my heart. i'm sad today, just distraught i presume. in the human race, there's sadness...and then there's sorrow. the second of the two is becoming familiar. maybe it's because i want a million things that i know i can't have. i really want to be that person that does all the right things and says all the right things and knows what to say and how to say it, but i stumble over my words like a drunk, and i do all the wrong things at the wrong time. my very existence is inappropriate, if you want to get technical. and so the part of me that wants to be that girl has to be murdered daily. i have to be a serial killer to my flesh.

so here i sit, sorrowful and somewhat in mourning over the self i created and the me i once was. it's hard to let go of the image i worked so hard to build. and i need to let it go, i need to crucify the flesh...