it's just reality.

i'm still locked in a fanatical daze.
how did all this happen?
and why can't i seem to wake myself up
out of this nightmarish state?

i try to smile and there he is.
i try to laugh and i find myself looking for
who wants to steal my happiness.
not a day goes by where i'm not
haunted by that night, where i don't
think about the pain and the heartache
that has been caused that can never be taken back.

i'm in between a rock and a hard place.
i feel sick to my stomach
just trying to come to terms about it.
i want to cry,
but tears just won't fall anymore.
i've conditioned myself to be tough.

i want people to know that i'm not
some kind of drama queen just
trying to get attention.
if i could stop getting attention
i'd be content, thank you.

i want to hide in a corner most of the time
and just watch my life go by.
it seems easier, you know,
just ignoring your potential at a time like this.

i just can't stop
shaking my head in shame at all this.
why me? what did i do for this to happen?
what's wrong with ME?
it's gotta be something inside of me.

yeah, i know. they keep telling me not to blame myself,
it's not my fault.
but this is so hard for me.
fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me.
that's what i think of when they tell me
it's not my fault.
and sure, i know it's the enemy coming against me,
but i just don't know if i can
stand up on my own two feet right now.
this battle is the lord's
because i can't make it on my own.
i'm so broken, so confused, so hurt...

and i'm so sure that i can't do this.